“All I could do was Cry.” - Etta James (R.I.P.)
Saturday morning, 2 a.m. While I sit sipping another cool glass of Raging Bitch Ale, and try my best to shake the addictive urges inside of me for the illegal and ignorant chemicals that spark my receptors, I feel the “Raging Bastard of Privilege” seething, and he wants more! Nothing can appease this vile insatiable appetite. I should, nay I must, be “happy” and “content” with my life and “success” - but I’m not. I lash out, for more, more, more!
Of course, I’ve much to be thankful for; but nevertheless, when asked tonight (by the wife I love so much) “...what are you happy about?” I could not formulate a proper reply; instead I sat there stone-faced and silent. Admittedly, I felt like a shit for not being able to do so; however, anything that popped into my mind (at the moment) felt shallow, strange, savage, and -most unfortunately- contrived. Maybe I’m polluted? After all, contrived answers do seem to be the hallmark of our daily American discourse - whenever honesty is sprouted-out or sprayed from the lips of the crazed and confused citizens of this country, it is always interpreted as "rude, offensive, or hostile" to “the greater good”. So, when I couldn’t answer her question, I realized, that not only am I “not happy” (wah! wah! wah! - you pathetic whiner!) but that I'm -in all honesty- no better than that shallow swine of a man - Newt Gingrich; after all, I too am a megalomaniacal natural born villain, who -everyday- seeks immediate and instant gratification for his stupid pleasures, and all at the expense of those around me. I'm not a hero. My ego presents itself as a villain -the bad guy. "Don’t ever say I never warned you from the start."
Of course, ultimately, we’re not here (..even though I may be...) to engage in (yet another) narcissistic screed; after all, it is far too late for that. Besides, there has already been too many words wasted today/tonight (and everyday) on the trite and pious concerns of those who should be silenced for their spiteful and silly screeds. Then again, too many words have also been wasted today on the wasteful and unproductive back-and-forth of multiple bureaucratic processes that achieve nothing more than an empty benevolence.
No! This is not the time to waste on foolish personal musings (or sleep for that matter...)! Instead we’re here to discuss “where we are now.” Indeed, what is the “situation on the ground”?
Honestly, to engage in any autobiographical or masturbatory reflections at this point would only be -yet another- escape from what matters most. Or not... perhaps, I’m too addicted to the most vile of poisons? Politics. However, "there is no going back now." and, it’s true - “politics is the art of controlling your environment”; unfortunately, it seems as though our environment is truly beyond any of our control. Undoubtedly, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was right - “The American dream really is fucked.”
I can feel the sickness seeping-in. I pretend these false speeches and lies matter, but they don’t.
And here “we” are, only a few hours away from the “blood sport” that is the South Carolina Primary and, unlike any other South Carolina primary, voters will have the “opportunity” to vote for satire. Good. Admittedly, this election is, no laughing matter. Thankfully, Stephen Colbert continues to educate (and entertain...) Americans about the ridiculousness of Citizens United (which, also celebrates it’s two year anniversary tomorrow), but why should any of this matter?
Tonight, as I sit here shaking off my needs and wants, until I grow too tired to care (listening to Bing Crosby and the Ink Spots) on the dawn of this second anniversary of Citizen’s United, I know voters will gather, tomorrow (likely while I’m sleeping...) in South Carolina to vet their choice for a Republican candidate to run against President Obama; but ultimately, the “choice” seems to be already made for them (and everyone else for that matter knows) -the corporations have won. Hell, even Rick Santorum got “the Shaft” when it came to his own party’s primary results in the Iowa Caucus. The only “hope” for any political future rests with the Occupy movement.
Tonight, while Berney Sanders (a politician I do respect) spoke on Bill Maher - saying, “Let me be clear, corporations are not people.” I knew he was right; however, Bill's concluding “New Rules” also made it abundantly clear - Americans like a bad guy. They want to be (or at least often support) “the villain.” Which is why most Republican candidates can be so unapologetic about acting and behaving like some hybrid of Gordon Gecko as a rap mogul - flaunting their money, bitches, and arrogance.
There is something sadistically savage about American politics that turns honest people into hacks and good writers into company stooges. But we still go along with it all anayway, playing "the game", as the good soldier who knows no other way to really live.
It’s hard to feel optimistic on this cold New York night -as the first snow of the season falls on the bitter streets outside- but I know, that once the spring arrives, a new hope will bloom that no candidate will be able to avoid - We are the 99%.
Etta James was right - “All I could do was cry.” And how poetic that she would die on the day before these primaries. After all, there is no reason to do any less than cry (or, better yet, lash-out in a show of force!) about this horrible, wasteful, and totally useless election of 2012, which will likely only bring a lot of futile chatter and dribble. But I don’t blame those who won’t lash-out; after all, I too am a “company man” (or “little Eichman” - if you must Ward Churchill), too tired tonight to do anything, but stay awake till 4 a.m. writing (for what it’s worth). Eventually, I will curl up and sleep.
But tomorrow, when I awake, I hope to learn that “Herman Cain” (a.k.a. Stephen Colbert) has won the South Carolina Primary, because, after all, we all need a good laugh.