Dear Angela (a.k.a. Sallie Mae Collection Agent),
Is there any way to reduce my monthly Sallie Mae payment to $100? I know it's a meager and laughable amount of dough to your company, but it's something - right? Currently, sending Sallie Mae monthly payments of $430.00 is beyond my income means and, in all honesty, will likely be this way for an extended period of time.
When will I be able to finally pay you that $50-60k (give or take with interest) off? Well, unless I get the time to finally write that big blockbuster script or win huge in Vegas, it's going to be a long time coming. Sorry, I suppose we're all going to have to hang on when that next economic bubble bursts! Anyway, instead of kicking the can down the proverbial road and letting the debt (and interest) mount-up more and more to an astronomical amount that I will never be able to pay off - why not just reduce my payment to a fair and just $100 a month?
If I can pay you more, great! But for now, lets be reasonable.
Currently, I work full-time at a university in New York, I also work part-time as an ESL instructor in the mornings, and split the cost of my rent with my loving hardworking wife. Of course, life is invariably full of needs and wants. I "want" to pay my Sallie Mae loan, but I need to eat. I also "need" to pay The US Treasury, ConEd, Bank of America, Verizon, TimeWarner, and the MTA.
Anyway, I'm sure you get notes like this all the time. So throw this one on top of that pile - just another deadbeat student trying to dodge his debt with the loan company sharks. But I can assure you, I am not that person. If you think I'm being insincere, then why not take my offer seriously? In fact, if you can reduce my monthly payment to $100, then I will gladly pick up that next daily call I get on my iPhone from that mysterious (866) number.
You know you might want to consider this a good method for collecting any of that other mounting $$$ from all those other students and graduates out there. Why not agree to also let them pay more reasonable monthly loan payments? In fact, why not ask the universities to also reduce their skyrocketing tuition costs so that students don't need to pay so much in the first place? Hmmm... I think we might be on to something here!
Well, you know what I mean, right? ...Or, perhaps you do not...
We are the 99%,